why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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