the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
