Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I CAN MOONWALK!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
