Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
