At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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