So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
