I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
