I'm jealous of your bromance
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
