i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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