I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
