I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
