Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
