I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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