So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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