guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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