She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
