the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
