Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
