She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
