That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
