That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
