Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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