I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Who died my cat blue again?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
