She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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