she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
