I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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