Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
