and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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