Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
