The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize