my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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