You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
