How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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