i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize