sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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