I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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