a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
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