I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
