something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
