My nipple is on Facebook.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
