why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
