so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
