My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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