you turned your livingroom into a bong?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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