He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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