Fuck appropriateness.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
