I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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