the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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