The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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