Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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