I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
