Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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