You smell like a Billy Joel song
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
