I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize