his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I'm really busy with my period
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