A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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