She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
