I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
