Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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