her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
