My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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