Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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