are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
