Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
