I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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