put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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