im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have already put on my inside pants.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
