last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
