he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
