Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
